Does Having Manners Matter? 10 Great Ways to Be Polite
Have you ever been ghosted? Did you ever fail to send a thank you note? How does it feel when your friends don’t pay you back when they said they would? Or what about that guy who cut you off in traffic?
Bad manners and rude treatment happen all the time. Unfortunately, we are often on the receiving end but sometimes we are the ones that forget our manners too.
So here’s the question. Does having manners even matter anymore? Let’s find out what the importance of having good manners is and then we will talk about how we can all improve.
What Causes Bad Manners?
As I mentioned, we are all the offenders sometimes. Everyone is guilty of having bad manners once in a while. Think about it. You know it’s true. Whether it was a thoughtless comment or a forgotten card you have been rude on occasion and so have I.
But why do bad manners happen to the best of us?
I think most of the time, being rude is rooted in feeling stressed out. You are in a hurry and someone is in your way taking their sweet time. Your focus is on other things and you don’t want to take the time to ask for help politely. The people around you are completely oblivious to your problems and how busy you are because, well, they aren’t inside your head.
None of us can deny that we live in a stressful world. That stress gets to all of us and sometimes and stress leads us to only think about ourselves. Selfishness leads to rudeness and that’s how bad manners happen.
Why Are Manners Important?
While it’s true that we no longer live in regency England and manners are much more relaxed these days than they were in the past, being polite will never go out of style.
The importance of good manners lies not in a set of rules but rather in how we make the people around us feel.
Do you want to hurt your friends and family? Are you looking to demean or isolate your coworkers? Does the stranger in the grocery store who is also having a bad day deserve bad treatment? Is the person who is serving you at a restaurant devoid of feelings?
Of course not. Everyone deserves good treatment. We are all stressed out and we all need things so we should all try to help each other through the day as best we can.
Having manners is just as important as ever because it will make people like you and in the end, it will actually make your life easier!
10 Good Manners to Cultivate
- Always say please and thank you. Don’t forget to greet people.
- Reply to people.
- Don’t interrupt.
- Wait your turn.
- Communicate clearly.
- Keep Your word.
- Be clean and presentable.
- Offer to help.
- Accept help.
- Be on time.
1: Say Please, Thank You & Hello
When it comes to good manners some of the basics are still true. Always remember to say please and thank you and always greet or acknowledge people.
When you need something always say please. It makes the people around you feel that you are not ordering them to do something. Saying please shows that you are not entitled and you have respect for the rights and wishes of the other person.
Saying thank you is important for similar reasons. It shows that you appreciate the other person and what they have done for you whether it’s something as small as holding the door open or something as big as getting you a gift. By the way, try your best not to forget to send a thank you card or note when someone gives you something.
Last but not least, always say hello or offer a greeting. Even if you simply enter a store it is appropriate to acknowledge the person working there. Offering a simple greeting shows you value the people around you and is an important part of having manners.
2: Reply to People
Speaking of showing respect and acknowledgment, do you reply to people when they greet you? Do you answer questions when they ask you something? When you get a text message or a phone call do you give a timely answer?
It is important to reply to people in all these settings because the person on the other end is waiting for your answer.
I have observed that people who do not like conflict do not want to say no so they avoid answering altogether. That is not polite at all because it leaves the other person wondering what is going on. This may cause them to alter their schedule or plans for you when you aren’t even going to show up.
Instead, be clear with your answers, even if the answer is no. It is much more respectful to be honest than to avoid conflict. Remember this. Having manners never includes leaving people hanging. Ghosting is not a life skill. It is a horrible and hurtful habit that shows weakness and disrespect to others.
3: Don’t Interrupt
On the other end of not replying we have replying at the wrong time or interrupting. Now I can admit it’s hard not to interrupt sometimes. Whether you are in the heat of an interesting conversation, you didn’t know the person wasn’t finished speaking, or you’re simply tired of waiting your turn it can be easy to interrupt.
Still, you shouldn’t interrupt others if you can help it. Why? Because you may not really understand what they are trying to say so your reply might be totally off the mark. Also, you should avoid interrupting because it is frustrating to the person who is trying to tell you something. Think about how you feel when you get interrupted in the middle of a story. It makes you feel like the interrupter is more interested in what they are thinking than what you are saying.
Try not to interrupt others even mentally. Instead, take time to listen to what they are really saying without thinking of how you want to respond.
On the other hand, if you find that people are often interrupting you, maybe your stories are too long and you can learn to simplify the way you say things so as to be more interesting to your listeners. Having manners includes thinking of others when you speak and reading their body language and facial cues.
4: Wait Your Turn
The next step to having manners is learning to be humble and cultivate a patient attitude. This is shown by waiting your turn. Whether in a line at the store, driving down the road, or waiting to start eating at the dinner table, understanding that you have to wait your turn is not only polite, it’s necessary.
When we are stressed out or running late it can be easy to feel that we should be able to skip the line, pass the slow car, get priority, or get on with it but that doesn’t show respect to others who are also waiting and also have other things they need to get to.
When you learn to wait your turn patiently you will actually relieve a lot of stress you feel about trying to rush. You will come to the realization that everything takes time and you can plan ahead for that but you can’t rush it.
5: Communicate Clearly
Another step to having good manners is practicing clear communication. Along with giving honest replies, even when the answer is no, communicating clearly is vital so that you can do things with others.
It takes understanding, coordination, and troubleshooting to make plans with other people for work or fun. When you don’t communicate clearly plans are hard to make and you might just miss some really amazing opportunities just because people find it frustrating to communicate with you.
For good family teamwork and close friendships, it is also important to communicate clearly about your feelings, struggles, and goals. No one can help you if they don’t know what’s wrong and it’s not fair to be angry at someone for something you didn’t tell them you wanted them to do.
Clear communication is part of having manners because it shows that you want to include others in your life because you respect and value them.
6: Keep Your Word
Once you have communicated clearly and made a plan do you keep your word? Do you stick to the plan as best you can? If something changes do you communicate that as quickly as possible so that another plan can be made?
When you say you are going to do something it is important to do your best to do it. When you do that you become known for being a reliable and trustworthy person. People will want to make plans with you because they know that you will show up.
7: Be Clean and Presentable
Having manners isn’t just about what we say and do. It also involves how we look. In what way? Well, if you show up to court looking like you’re going to a nightclub that doesn’t show respect for the Judge or the solemn nature of the situation, does it? If you go to an interview in your workout clothes that might not send the right message. If you show up for a summer picnic in your ski gear you will just look crazy.
Good grooming, being clean and tidy in your appearance, as well as being dressed appropriately for where you are and what you are doing shows respect to the occasion and the people around you. It shows that you are sane but it also shows that you understand how others might feel about your appearance.
8: Offer to Help
When was the last time someone held the door open for you? Has someone ever offered you their cart when you were headed into the store? Did your husband take the trash out?
How did it feel when they helped you out? Didn’t those small actions feel good?
Part of having manners is looking for ways to help people or make them feel more comfortable. When you think about the needs of others instead of just your own you will find a million little chances to offer a helping hand every day.
When you spread kindness and look for ways to serve others you are not only being very polite, you are improving everyone’s day and you will in turn receive the joy of giving!
9: Accept Help
What about when you are offered help? Do you accept it? Has a friend ever offered to buy your lunch? Did your sister offer to babysit your kids so you can have a date night with your husband? Did your husband lift that heavy suitcase into the car for you?
When offered help I sometimes feel like I don’t want to inconvenience the person offering it and I lean into doing it all on my own. One time a friend was offering me help and I tried to refuse. The friend then said I was taking their joy away by not letting them give to me. That’s when I learned to fight my tendency to refuse help because accepting help is the polite thing to do.
You don’t have to do everything on your own. Let others help you so they can have the joy of giving too.
10: Be On Time
Having manners includes a million different things that show you care about those around you but one of the biggest things you can do to show respect for others is to be on time.
Punctuality seems like a small thing but it’s actually huge. Think back to a time when you were waiting on someone who was running late. Do you have a friend who is always late? How does it feel when you miss out on something because the person you were waiting for ran so late you weren’t able to do what you had planned? Doesn’t it feel like they don’t respect you enough to put in the effort you made to be on time?
Being late is very disrespectful to everyone that is waiting on you. They have worked hard to manage their time. You can too. Think ahead and give yourself the time needed to get ready and commute to any event.
Having Manners Will Improve Your Life!
As you can see having manners is very important. Having bad manners isolates you from others whereas good manners draw them to you. The importance of good manners has nothing to do with stuffy rules but rather it’s all about thinking of others with respect and thinking of yourself with humility.
When you have good manners you will have a happy simple life full of good friendships and great experiences!
If you want to learn more about how to have good manners I highly recommend you follow @oldsouletiquette and @frenchelegance.and.more on Instagram.
What are some good manners you try to cultivate in daily life? What do you think the importance of good manners is? Please share in the comments below!
I try to practice the manners my parents taught me. Say please and thank you. Wait your turn. Greet people. Be helpful to others. Good manners help to make life go a bit more smoothly, and make us happier.