When I get home from a long day of cleaning houses and my house is a mess, I have to cook dinner, and I’m supposed to work out I can honestly say that I’ve felt overwhelmed and even a little put upon at times.
But is that my family’s fault or is it perhaps mine?
I mean who is expecting all these things? Would my family be happy to help if I asked?
Of course they would help! They would even tell me not to worry about it if they knew how much overwhelm I was feeling at times.
But I avoid asking for help like it’s the plague and then I’m resentful.
Hmmm…seems like a personal problem.
Have you ever felt like you were doing more than your fair share of the work at home? Do you see your family member sitting around and grumble? Are you expecting too much from yourself and avoiding simply asking for help when you need it?
I bet you are! So let’s talk about family team work and the benefits of asking for help.
Why Is Asking for Help and Family Team Work So Hard?
Sometimes you are perceiving that you have an unfair workload because you aren’t noticing all that your family members are doing. At other times you might be right. Maybe you do have an unfair share of the work at home.
But stop and think about why that is. Is it because your family members are lazy or is it because you take over too much?
I know what the answer is for me. I am a fixer and I take over way too much. So why is it so hard to ask for help and family team work?
There are a few reasons:
- You feel like you have to prove your worth by managing everything perfectly.
- You don’t really trust that your family member’s way of doing something can be as good as your way of doing something.
- You aren’t patient enough to let them get to it when they can instead of when you want it.
Stop and think about why you have to do everything. Think about delegating and family team work. Are there ways your family could help you?
I bet they would be happy to contribute to the household chores and errands if you weren’t afraid to ask for help. Try to be patient and let them do these things their way.
So what are some times you might need to ask for help? What kinds of things can be taken off your plate with a little family team work? When could the benefits of asking for help outweigh the pain of the asking?
Ask for Family Team Work Around the House
The first most obvious place you might want to ask for help is with work around the house. I mean, do you really have to do all of it?
I hope you don’t do all of the household chores but I also know it can be tempting to do everything. I know because I find myself taking on tasks that could easily be taken care of by other members of my family.
Because I feel like if I’m home and they aren’t and I have time and they don’t then I should just do it. I still think that is very logical. BUT that doesn’t mean that I can’t leave something for my family to help me with.
Here are some ideas of what family team work can help you with around the house:
- Could it be someone else’s specific job to take out the trash?
- Can you teach your kids (and husband) to fold their clothes and put them away?
- Maybe set up a dish washing rotation so that you don’t have to cook and do dishes too.
- Ask your kids to sweep the porch or garage. Or they could even vacuum the house!
- Help your husband find the time to sort out things in the garage and do other home maintenance.
- Give others a chance to cook something they want to try!
- See if someone can run by the store with your grocery list.
Really the possibilities are endless! You can ask for help with so many things around the house.
And the benefits of asking for help go far beyond the time and energy you will save. Family team work helps everyone feel valuable in the family arrangement. Commending or thanking your family members for their help will build their confidence and desire to help more.
In the end you do more for your family by asking for help than by doing everything all on your own.
Learn How to Ask for Support With Challenges and Goals
Now house-hold chores aren’t the only thing that you can ask for help with. After all you are a dynamic person and the cleaning and cooking does not make up your entire life or the life of your family.
So what do you do when you have a big challenge, problem, or goal? Do you try to take it on all by yourself? Maybe you feel like it’s your thing and you don’t want to burden the family with it?
Don’t feel that way! That’s a recipe for overwhelm, anxiety, and ultimately burnout.
Instead of feeling like you are alone in these challenges and goals ask for family team work! Be open and honest with your family about what you are trying to achieve or the problem you are facing.
You’re family is going to know if you are stressed out and worried but if you let them know what is going on you can all work through the problem together!
If you are trying to reach a goal you can ask for help and support to achieve it. You might not know exacly how to ask for support but your family may think of ways to help that you hadn’t thought about yourself.
The benefits of asking for help with challenges, problems, and goals are many. You will have needed support emotionally and physically. Also, family team work in good times and bad builds bonds of trust and teaches your children that they can come to you with their problems.
Lastly, and mostly obviously, there is strength in numbers. So don’t face stuff alone! Face it with family teamwork.
Family Team Work When You Don’t Feel Good
But what about when you just don’t feel good?
Have you ever felt under the weather? Maybe you just didn’t feel like yourself. Perhaps you have dealt with some periods of depression or anxiety? Or it’s possible you have or have had a longer illness.
Did you ask for help and family team work then? Or did you still try to do it all by yourself?
If you did try to do it all by yourself maybe you ended up in a puddle of tears. I know because I’ve been there.
But why do we do that to ourselves?
First of all, mental and physical health are equally real and equally serious. We should not feel like we have to hide our health problems from our family. Instead we should be able to be open about them. It’s ok to ask for help from the people who love us.
Once your family knows what you are dealing with they can help you with physical tasks and practical things. They can also give you emotional support. They can help you around the house and they can help you get to doctors if you need them.
The benefits of asking for help when you don’t feel good are that you will get the support you need and work towards healing instead of a self-destructive cycle of overworking yourself that ends in burnout.
Family team work is key to getting past the worst of it!
It’s OK to Ask For Help When You Don’t Know Something
Last but not least, you can always ask for help when you don’t know something. That’s how children learn everything. By asking questions.
So why do we tend to stop asking questions as adults?
Maybe it’s cause we will feel embarrassed that we don’t already know something we think we should know.
To break down that embarrassment roadblock I’m going to be honest with you. I still don’t know how to drive a stick and I would be hard pressed to change a tire. I just haven’t had to do those things so I don’t know how to YET.
It takes humility to ask for help but it’s okay to admit that you don’t know how to do something.
Within a family there are different skills. My husband can help me with computer problems, my dad helps with car problems, and my mom is my go to for any cooking questions. On the other hand I’m there to help them with a million tiny tech issues and organization.
What about your family? How could your team members help you? Remember part of family team work is using the skills of each person. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to simply ask questions when you don’t understand something.
The benefits of asking for help when you don’t know something are that you will learn and grow and that your family members will feel valued and appreciated for their knowledge and skills.
What Are the Benefits of Asking for Help?
Do you feel like you can ask for help now? Doesn’t it seem reasonable to go ahead and create an atmosphere of family team work instead of trying to do it all on your own?
Erica Layne from The Life on Purpose Movement once said that when we feel resentment towards someone we should ask ourselves what we need.
If you feel resentful that you have to do “all the work” maybe you just need rest. And if you feel resentful because you aren’t being helped maybe you just need to ask.
That thought really helped me stop the negative talk in my mind. Remember it is definitely more loving to ask for help and lean on family team work than to resent your family or feel angry that they aren’t doing what they haven’t been asked to do.
The benefits of asking for help are as follows:
- When you ask for help you will have less to do and less stress.
- Asking for help makes for an atmosphere of family teamwork that gives everyone a valuable place in the family.
- When you ask for help you can learn new skills and ideas.
- Asking for help allows others to have the joy of giving.
- When you ask for help you can have time and energy for things that make you happy.
- Asking for help shows humility and draws others closer to you.
- When you ask for help you nip resentment in the bud.
Will You Ask For Help?
So here are some big questions to ask yourself.
- Will you ask for help?
- What will you ask for help with?
- Can you create more of an atmosphere of family teamwork?
- How have you already asked for help?
- What does your family already help you with that you could appreciate more?
When you asks these questions and find the answers you will reverse negative feelings and start a proactive pattern in your mind and your family!
When you learn how to ask for support and enjoy the benefits of family teamwork you you can have a happy simple life you actually enjoy!
So why not try it? Ask for help!