How to Declutter When Your Husband is a Hoarder -5 Sneaky Tips
I don’t think it’s just me. Have you noticed this too? It’s hard for anyone to declutter but it seems like it’s even harder for men, most men at least. Do you have one of these men? Are you trying to declutter your home? Do you wonder how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder or are you on the edge of just giving up?
Well, I’m here for you. I am the proud spouse of a husband who has greatly improved his decluttering skills and is much more able to let go of things than he used to be.
So what did I do to get him there? Can I claim all the credit? What can you do when your husband refuses to declutter? Why is decluttering so hard for men? Are there any special “decluttering for men” tips that will help? Is there hope for your home and your sanity?
Let me share my tips and maybe they will help you know how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder.
1: Never Throw His Stuff Away
Imagine you are home alone and you see a pile of junk you know needs to be thrown away. You know your husband is hanging on to it but you also know that it serves absolutely no purpose in your life and it’s taking up space. Maybe it’s even an eyesore in your home.
What do you do? Throw it away and hope he doesn’t notice? Store it in a closet? Wait for him to come home so you can nag him to get rid of it?
Before you even think about throwing it away learn from my biggest mistake!
When we were first married living in a 300-square-foot studio apartment I was definitely trying my best to make things organized and nice looking. I was also bringing my stuff in and realizing that there was already too much in that tiny space. So what did I do? I found a stack of my husband’s old calendars. Now these calendars were, amazingly, among the few possessions my husband brought with him from California in his tiny 1987 Toyota Carolla. Did I care? Nope! They were boring old calendars that had served their purpose so I tossed them out quicker than I could blink.
Is that how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder? Was that a good tactic? Should you try it? Well, let’s just say I still hear about it now, over 14 years later. It was not a good plan.
In hindsight, I shouldn’t have thrown them away. It broke his trust and made him protective of his stuff. I should have chosen my battles carefully. If I had it might not have taken me 9 more years to get him to let go of his old college textbooks.
I know it’s tempting but you should never declutter someone else’s stuff unless you want them to fight you tooth and nail to keep everything else for years to come. If you want to get your husband to declutter you are going to have to go about it in a better way.
2: Let Them Have Their Clutter
So now that you can’t get rid of their clutter you may feel like you have completely lost the battle and the war. After all your husband refuses to declutter. If you can’t do it for him you are still left wondering how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder. Don’t worry. It’s a long game but you will win it.
The next sneaky step you can take is to let them have their clutter, in their space. Let them have a messy desk. Put the paperwork and mail they need to handle on it. Let them have a messy closet, on their side of the closet. Let them have a board game collection on the board game bookshelf.
Whatever you do keep their clutter in areas they use. You will probably never feel like you can declutter enough until they do but hopefully, and probably, it will drive them crazy at some point.
3: Set a Good Example and Wait!
Do you see how this works? Are you starting to understand how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder?
That’s right! The key is this: You do you. That’s right. When your husband refuses to declutter that doesn’t mean you can’t declutter your stuff. Declutter your kitchen stuff if you cook the most. Declutter your paperwork and your clothes and your random do-dads. Do the best you can to declutter everything that is yours.
Make it look great too! Keep it tidy and organized and shiny and beautiful. You want the benefits of decluttering to be obvious. There is nothing wrong with saying stuff like; “Wow it’s so great that I can find my keys every morning!” and “My kitchen is so much easier to work in now that it’s not a crazy mess.” and “I love getting dressed in the morning now that I got rid of all the clothes I hate.”
If you want to get your husband to declutter you have to make the decluttered life look really really good. The goal is to keep your sanity, do your best, and make them insanely jealous. At the very least maybe they will stop thinking you are crazy for decluttering.
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4: If Your Husband Refuses to Declutter…Hide It
Ok but what about that shared stuff? Like, for example, small home decor items, chipped commemorative beer glasses and old gadgets that no one uses anymore. What about that kind of stuff? It’s hard to know how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder who lays claim to all that random junk in the house.
You can’t just straight up declutter it because your husband thinks he has some say in the matter. He thinks he cares about your grandmother’s china or he payed good money for that digital camera from the 90s. He loves that vase of dry flowers on your dresser and he can’t live without his mother’s 1950s lamp.
Boy, do I have a trick for you! It’s the trickiest of tricks and it totally works! But I can’t take credit for it! I got it from Courtney Carver in her book Soulful Simplicity.
Drumroll please…
Just hide it!
No seriously. Just put those things in a box in the closet or the garage and wait it out awhile. See how long it takes for them to notice. If ever! Wait a respectable amount of time. Maybe a month or maybe three depending on how noticeable the item is in daily life and if they haven’t noticed after that period of time is up you can just get rid of it!
What if they ask later? No problem! Just tell them you put it away so long ago and they never noticed so you figured they didn’t care and you got rid of it. They can’t even get mad at you because it’s their fault for not noticing that thing they couldn’t live without had been completely missing for quite a while.
5: Encourage Them With What Motivates You!
The next step to take when your husband refuses to declutter is this one. Hopefully, after a while, your husband will start feeling ready to declutter a little tiny bit.
When you see that happening don’t get too excited. You want to get your husband to declutter but if you seem too interested it might scare him off. So how do you help someone else declutter, especially if that someone else is your husband?
Instead of overwhelming them with all your decluttering enthusiasm just talk them through the process with the same things you tell yourself when you are decluttering. Ask them the same decluttering questions you ask yourself and use the same decluttering excuse busters you use on yourself with them.
When they are looking at that nasty, pilled, not-so-white t-shirt with holes and they are honestly wondering if they should get rid of it ask them; “Do you think that shirt might be at the end of its life?” If they are opening up the box for the phone they owned three phones ago say; “Oh isn’t that for your old phone? The one you dropped in the pool?” If they are looking at their game collection in a pensive way you can say; “Oh! I didn’t know you used those hard-copy games anymore! I thought all your games were online now.”
If they say stuff like; “I don’t want to throw this away. I spent my hard-earned money on it.” You can say, “Yeah, but that money isn’t coming back.” or, if they say; “I’ll fix it.” ask them when they will have time to do that.
I realize that in writing you could read those sentences in a snippy, snotty, nagging wife way but don’t do that! Be super sweet. Play it cool. Pretend you don’t care whether or not he keeps the holey socks or the giant paperweight of a broken computer tower. Men need to feel like it’s their idea.
Last but not least, when your husband is finally on a roll with his decluttering you can nerd out and tell him this: “You know, you’re sexy when you declutter.”
That oughtta motivate him!
Don’t Give Up Hope!
What if you are married to the most stubborn hoarding husband of all time? What if your husband let’s go of a few things only to bring an armful of his favorite “collection” home the next day? What then?
Well, don’t give up hope! It may take a lot longer than you would like or your husband may never become quite the decluttering minimalist you are. That’s okay. You love him and just by decluttering your stuff you can make a huge difference in your home.
What if it’s not the husband that’s the problem? What if it’s the wife? Regardless, the tips above should help you motivate your spouse to declutter eventually.
And furthermore, when that switch finally flips for your husband, or your wife, and they finally want to and can let go of stuff they may surprise you! Once they have that decluttering mindset they may go hog wild getting rid of tons of stuff very quickly! They may even surpass you. It has happened before.
Now You Know How to Declutter When Your Husband is a Hoarder!
Now that you know how to declutter when your husband is a hoarder I hope you feel more motivated to declutter yourself.
Is it possible that up until now you have actually been making the excuse that your husband refuses to declutter so you can’t get started? Now you know that’s not true! Not even a little bit! You have to start to lead by example!
But where do you start? Does it feel too overwhelming to declutter your home?
Don’t worry! I created a special program designed to help you declutter in three easy phases that you can do at your own pace, whether that is one weekend or one year.
During the Fearless Decluttering program, you will build your decluttering muscles a little at a time so you don’t get rid of anything before you are ready but you still get rid of a lot and make the difference in your home you have been dreaming of. And the best part is. everything you need to know is in the Fearless Decluttering e-book. Grab it right now!
