10 Important Qualities For Better Family Time 

Isn’t it great to get together with close family and friends? It’s so cozy to share a meal and stories and hugs. Those rare occasions where we can all get together create wonderful memories. Even every day life with our immediate family can be very meaningful.

But what if you find that family time is difficult? Does it usually lead to fights, hurt feelings and even grudges that last for months or years? If so, some important qualities may be missing. It may be mostly their fault but could it be partly your fault too? What can you do to enjoy better family time with even the most difficult of individuals? Let’s discuss some important qualities for better family time that you can develop to lead by example. 

Why Should We Develop These Important Qualities for Better Family Time? 

I know you probably already have your hackles up. It’s not your fault. And isn’t family supposed to accept you as you are? Why should you have to change? 

Realistically, society and especially families don’t work if everyone does whatever they want without regard for the feelings of others. We can all improve our personalities and we should want to because it will endear us to others, keep our families close, and give us happier lives over all. 

Think about the flip side. Wouldn’t it be awful to go without talking to your sister for years because you disagreed about something as minor as how to cook a dinner for the family? It sounds crazy but it happens. Don’t let it happen to you! 

1: Cultivate Humility for Better Family Time

The first quality you must develop for better family relationships is humility. You have to have a realistic view of your strengths and weaknesses. If you are humble you understand that no one is obligated to take you the way you are, entertain you all the time, or make you think that you are always right. 

If you are being humble you are able to put the needs of others ahead of your own at the needed times. Humility means you want to make other people comfortable and you are willing to admit it when you make a mistake. This draws your family members closer to you and makes for much easier interactions. 

2: Work on Patience

Almost just as important as being humble is being patient. In fact, you have to be humble to be patient and you have to be patient with your family because they don’t always do things the way you would do them or when you would do them.

I know that every time I have been on a trip with my family things have happened that mean we have to wait on someone, postpone a plan, or even change a plan because of someone else. Being patient helps those situations stay calm and it also helps everyone find the fun in what can be done instead of fixating on what didn’t work out. 

3: Communication Helps a Lot 

When you are making plans with family you have to be a good communicator. A lot of people these days want to avoid conflict as much as possible and a lot of them thinking ghosting is the answer. If you ghost someone you don’t have to say no and you don’t have to tell them you can’t and you don’t have to disagree with them. But on the other side of things, when you are ghosted you are left wondering, worrying, and waiting. You can’t make other plans because you don’t know the answer to your question and you would gladly be released with a simple no. 

When you are in a family you must communicate as clearly as possible. If you are running late shoot someone a text, if you can’t go to an event let the host know, if you have other plans be honest.  

What if you have differing opinions? Well, at times it may be necessary to share how you feel even if it is in opposition to what others think, but it is never necessary to be rude or temperamental about it. Share your thoughts in a calm and reasonable way and don’t insist on being agreed with. Instead look for ways to find common ground and tackle problems as a team. 

4: Good Manners Never Go Out of Style 

What are some other important qualities for better family time? Well, simple manners can go a long way. Always greet your family when you enter the room. Show respect to your elders. Say please and thank you. Don’t talk with your mouth full and bring a gift if you’re having dinner or staying at someone’s home. 

Simple manners show others that you care about them, respect them and appreciate their efforts on your behalf. Good manners never go out of style because they show you care. 

5: Kindness in Action 

Speaking of manners and showing you care, kindness is a very important quality to have for better family time. We all like to think we are kind but do we show kindness in little words and deeds?

For example, if you are at a family member’s home do you ask them if they need help with anything? Do you help the older ones in from their cars? Take the trash out? Help with cooking? Participate in big projects that need done?

When people share their feelings are you kind in how you respond? Do you validate them by acknowledging why they might feel that way even if you don’t? Can you show kindness by putting your phone down and paying attention to their needs? Do you smile and offer hugs of greeting and goodbye?

Make a game of it. Look for little ways to show kindness and you will definitely improve your family time. 

6: Positivity Sets a Better Tone 

Have you ever been having a family conversation where everyone gets more and more grouchy, more and more uptight and unyielding, even to the point of fighting? Probably. But rewind that conversation. What started it? What set the tone? 

More than likely it all started with some small complaints. Maybe it was about the food, or the cousin that was running late or someone that is always this and another person that is never that. Do you see what I mean?

Instead, one of the most important qualities for better family time is positivity. Even when you aren’t feeling positive or something difficult is going on you can set the tone by looking for the good in any situation. Compliment your mom on her cooking, thank your dad for his help last week, mention something cute and funny you saw online if you have to. If someone brings up something negative, look for the positive side of it. It sets the tone and often moves everyone else in the right direction.  

7: Presence is a Rare Gift

Another thing you may have noticed when hanging out with family is how even when everyone is in the same room no one is actually present anymore. And it’s weird to be lonely in a room full of people. But why is it that way? Because everyone has fallen into their phones. Someone is scrolling reels, someone else has their headphones in and even gramma is playing solitaire on her iPad.

Instead of wasting those precious moments you actually have to be with your family, put your phone down and give them your presence. It’s a rare gift these days but it shows that you care and it builds strong relationships. 

8: Take Time to Truly Listen 

Speaking of presence, do you take the time to truly listen? When you are having a conversation are you always multi tasking, looking at your phone, or interrupting? When was the last time someone sat down and really listened to you. 

When you think about the last good conversation you had you will realize it was valuable to you because the other person listened to you, showed interest in what you said, and even helped you express yourself with questions. They looked you in the eyes, showed empathy for your feelings, and gave you the time you really needed. Can you do that for someone else?

Take time to be a really good listener, especially with your family, especially with your parents or spouse or children, and you will have better family time because they will know you see and understand them. 

9: Boundaries are Beneficial 

All of the important qualities for better family time above are about being open and giving but that doesn’t mean that there are no boundaries. We all want to have a great time with our families and part of that is knowing how to set and respect boundaries. 

What are some boundaries you may want to set with your family? Well, if they come to visit you may have to let them know what amount of time you can realistically set aside for them. If you aren’t able to cook a big meal every night be honest and ask for help. It’s also okay to let people know if certain behaviors are not acceptable in your home. Learn to say no in a nice way but don’t avoid saying it altogether.

On the other hand, you must respect the boundaries of others. If someone in your family is having a private conversation with their spouse you should give them the space to do that and if they have certain ideas about how to discipline their children you should not disregard or critique them. If they aren’t feeling well or have physical limitations you should also respect what they can do and look for ways to help them. 

10: Learn Emotional Self-Regulation

As you can see, all of us have a lot of work to do to maintain a good atmosphere at family time but that’s ok. We are all works in progress. Will we slip up and say the wrong thing? Sure. Will we hurt someone with rude actions once in a while. Definitely. 

But that just leads me to the last important quality for better family time we need to discuss, emotional self-regulation. We all feel angry, frustrated, sad, tired, and hurt sometimes. But we need to learn how to regulate our feelings so that we act in a way we can be happy about later instead of acting on impulse which leads to regret. 

I read recently that a lot of families have learned to prefer fighting by text because they are afraid of what they will say if they are speaking out loud. Isn’t that sad? Isn’t part of being human being able to express yourself and learning how to do it without burning the house down in anger? Isn’t having a real face to face conversation more meaningful and productive? Isn’t it worth it to control your temper and have a real relationship with your family?

When we are around our families we must learn emotional self-regulation, otherwise known as self-control. Your feelings are not the most important thing in the room. You can control yourself and be kind no matter what you are going through. 

Is It Worth It To Develop These Important Qualities for Better Family Time? 

Now that we’ve talked about all these important qualities for better family time are you ready to do the work? I bet you are! After all, I am sure you already try to do all of these things. But we can all do a little bit better. 

One thing to remember is this. You can only control your own actions and feelings. Other people in your family may drop the ball. They may be rude, unhelpful, and impatient with you. But here’s another fact. “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out.” When you don’t add to the problem it often disappears and you can set the tone for an entire gathering. You can set the tone for your home life with your immediate family too. 

I hope you enjoy every moment you spend with family as you keep building a happy simple life. Share your favorite memories in the comments below.